You'd Rather Kiss A What?
by catsmeou
Summary: Poor Ms. Taylor who'd taught the sexual harassment seminar at the beginning of "Driven" can't escape the craziness of NCIS when she returns at a future date to teach another seminar. One shot.


You'd Rather Kiss a What?

Poor Ms. Taylor who'd taught the sexual harassment seminar at the beginning of "Driven" can't escape the craziness of NCIS when she returns at a future date to teach another seminar. One shot. Just wiggled into my tired brain when I wasn't looking, and since I was being used as a warm cat bed and couldn't move and the keyboard was just sitting there….

Don't own, just borrowing for a little fun.

God she hated instructing sexual harassment seminars at this agency. There was just something off about the whole place - people didn't seem to take the subject seriously. As hard as she tried, she felt as though her words slid off some invisible shield placed around her pupils during the presentations. Some of the Agents working at NCIS were truly screw-ups as far as she was concerned, especially one team who consistently had pushed every button she had when they last attended a seminar - Agent Gibbs' team. Surely there had to be a way to get through to them that this wasn't a joke, and if they didn't heed her advice, there could be serious consequences.

Those two agents - the man and the woman - she couldn't believe her eyes at what she saw going on between the two of them. They should be held up as examples of how _not_ to behave. The sexual innuendos between them, the touching, the looks they exchanged, the woman…she _licked_ the man on his face!

How could their supervising agent possibly let them get away with such blatant physical contact? But, wait, wasn't there some sort of hint that he, himself, was making inappropriate physical contact with his agents…no, slapping them! That's what she remembered now. She should report that to her supervisor directly since it didn't appear as if the Director of NCIS was going to address it. Someone had to make an example of these people's behavior before something happened!

And that man who said he was touching naked dead people….he said he was working in autopsy. She needed to check that out. If nothing else, she should make sure the bodies were always covered decently. She wondered if the man had a chaperone when he was working on women's bodies. God that could lead to a disaster if it were to get out that a man was examining dead women's bodies on his own, alone. Darn – what kind of people worked here anyway?!

And that crazy Goth dressed woman. That skirt she had been wearing! It was barely long enough to cover her derriere! Surely that wasn't how she dressed routinely. And if she hugged others while dressed like that…she felt a headache coming on. Short dress, hugging – a disaster in the making. Why hadn't anyone caught onto this before and put a stop to it? What sort of agency was this anyway?

Walking down the hallway from the meeting room, she headed towards the Director's office. Maybe she should clarify what she thought might be going on before she did anything. A quick meeting with the director might give her the reassurance that her assumptions were baseless.

As she passed the men's room, the door opened and a woman stepped out, laughing, looking over her shoulder and addressing someone in the room, "Dream on, Tony. I am sure the next under-aged co-ed you try and sleep with will tell you how inappropriate your observation of her 'ginormous headlights' is. One of these days, you are going to get arrested for inappropr…."

As the woman turned from the doorway, she caught sight of the passing woman, and stopped in her tracks, recognizing her. The harassment person…the sex teacher…the….wait - not sex teacher…the…. Whatever, she thought with exasperation. This wasn't good, realizing how it must look.

The trainer stood, open mouthed in shock and horror at what she'd overheard. Her eyes darted between the woman and the door marked "Men's Restroom". Wait! It was the woman from that seminar – she had licked that man's face! She had been in the _men's restroom?!_ _With a_ _man?_ _Arrested? Under-aged co-eds?_ She could feel herself growing faint. This couldn't be happening.

The door opened, and a man stepped out, a grin on his face….fading as he caught sight of his partner's surprised expression. When he saw who she was looking at, he felt a sick feeling start in his gut. Of all the people he didn't expect and didn't want to meet….how much had she heard? Seen?

As they stared at each other, not sure what to do, McGee came walking briskly down the hallway towards him, his cell phone in his raised hand, trying so hard to look guileless that he nearly glowed with squeaky cleanliness, "Ok, guys, I didn't catch all the dialog clearly, so you'll need to repeat that part again, starting just after…" He broke off as he came to a stop before them.

Nodding to the trainer, he smiled, "Hello again, Ms. Taylor. Did you come to help us with this little production? The boss thought it'd be helpful to the Agents to have something to illustrate a few of your points, but from an Agent's perspective. You know – one agent with another, acting out. The parts. Acting out the parts. You know…sexual stuff. Bad sexual stuff. Examples of bad...er, activity. How to….Would you like to join us? We could really use someone who could show us step by step…."

His voice died off when she started to sway, mouth working soundlessly. Alarmed, he turned to Tony, "Ah, Tony, she doesn't look so good."

Tony could have hugged McGee at that moment for jumping in with a save. Gratefully, he ran with it, "Didn't catch the dialog again? Maybe we should get a real professional video-camera then that can pick up things further away. Do they have ones that can record from down the hallway all the way into the restroom?" Turning to the woman, he said, "We could really use your help. The name of the production – how about, um, 'Bad Bathroom Maneuvers' or….maybe 'Red Light Action in the Bathroom'?"

Ziva jumped in, "Yes. Or, ah, "Out of the Bathroom and into the Bullpen". Or car! It often happens in the car also, yes? We definitely need to cover cars."

Alarmed at the woman bracing herself against the wall now, looking faint, Tony motioned for the others to move off down the hallway. "McGee, we can just dub over the video, right? Does your special phone video recording thingie let you do that? "

Nodding emphatically, McGee said, "Sure. Good idea!"

The three Agents moved off quickly, then as soon as they were out of sight of the hallway, dashed for the break room.

McGee tapped into the security cams using his cell phone, and the three crowded around and watched as the trainer stood open mouthed, still not recovered. Finally, she turned slowly and walked back the way she'd come, hand held to her head. She needed to lay down for a while. No, they couldn't possibly have been trying to put a video together to actually teach….she had to have heard it wrong. Right?

Tony patted McGee on his back and added a heartfelt thanks, "McGee, my man, you saved us. If Gibbs or the Director had been there, we would have been toast."

Just as McGee started to smugly think of all the possibilities of having Tony owe him one, a voice sounded behind them, "The Director wants to see the finished product before you leave today." With a smirk, Gibbs moved past them, "Better get started."

The three stared at his retreating back, then at each other wide-eyed. How'd….?

With a shrug, Tony grinned, "Guess we better get started. Ready for another take, Zee-vah? Hey, who knows, we do this right and it could end up an Oscar nominee. Wanna bet?"

Rolling her eyes, she replied, "I'd rather kiss a bookie…"

End


End file.
